How To Not Clean.


I am not a naturally clean, tidy person person. Well I am clean but most defiantly not tidy. I am organised though but it´s just complicated and another story. But I do try my best to keep things not looking like a total pigsty I mean I do have some pride or I did…

So like teens do at some point I had a messy bedroom it was absolutely awful now that I think about it. But like the good person I am I decided to clean it. Biggest mistake I could have made.

I don´t  have a bed base just a matress which i have on the floor because my room was to narrow to fit the frame of my double bed in. So deciding I was going to thoroughly clean my room I turned my matress on its side and put it against the wall.

Next I did  one of the most stupid things I could and removed everything I could from my wardrobe,bookcase and cube storage and threw it messily onto the floor. I left everything like that for a day because it has taken a lot of effort to clear everything. Mistake one was throwing things on the floor because glass candle holders do not take that well…

The next day I didn’t even bother with the stuff on the floor. I wiped the bookcase wardrobe and cube storage down clearing all the dust, make up an other stuff of. After wiping them down I made mistake number two i decided to move my wardrobe so i could hover behind it. Shuffling it forward and back became slightly detached. It was actually awful,I was trying to do something good and it was frustrating.  I used some nail things to put it back on which was mistake three as I managed to damage the wood of the wardrobe. After doing all that and struggling to move it back I moved the bookcase and the cube storage without any more drama which was grand!

So the most boring bit was going through everything seeing what I wanted to keep, what I wanted to bin and what I wanted to give to charity so after sorting that our I put away the stuff i was keeping and bagged up everything else. I was finally done! After almost a weeks effort it was done. This is where I should have just hovered the floor and been doe with it but i had another ´bright´ idea…

I would clean my matress because after a while mattresses get dirty and the thought of bacteria all over me while I´m asleep… no thank you ! ( I am aware bacteria is everywhere I specifically mean avoidable bacteria) This is the part where i mention I have a light brown carpet in my room. Anyway it just so happened that i had never needed to clean a matress before but i just thought oh how hard can it be!

A lot harder than i thought that’s for sure! So I lay my matress back down and the carpet and get some water and bleach mixed in a jug. And me being me I poor it on the matress and scrub it in I then rub bicarbonate of soda on it because, well why not! Rubbing it in with a wash cloth I suddenly think bleach would burn me so I go and wash my hands and then go downstairs, leaving a dripping wet matress.

Downstairs i am just talking with my mother and we here a funny noise, Turns out it was just a bus. I didn’t even think about my matress until we here another noise followed by a few flashes coming from our lounge. Panicking we cut power and go to my room,which has a very bleachy smell even with both windows open.  My mother looks at the matress and we tip it on the side. My mum rips back my carpet and the underlay and it doesn’t seem to have gone through, everything is fine.Until she moves the matress to the other side and rips the carpet back further where we see a gap in the floor boards and a rather large puddle… Which just so happens to be right above out lounge light.

Not only is my carpet bleach stained and not actually on my floor properly, my matress is patchy and will most likely go mouldy and I nearly caused an electrical fire.. But i didn’t so points for that I guess. And to make everything even better I can´t use my room until everything is dry and the room doesn’t smell of bleach and for the next 48hrs I have no downstairs lights! All my own fault though.

My mistakes

  1. Throwing everything on the floor.
  2. Shuffling a wardrobe, rather than asking for help to pick it up.
  3. Trying to fix a wardrobe .
  4. Thinking water wouldn’t soak through a matress.
  5. Thinking bleach wouldn’t stain a carpet.

Although i do feel incredibly guilty about all the hassle i caused i also feel like it´s slightly funny because of my stupidity. For one thinking and ikea wardrobe wouldn’t fall apart, for not think about what i used but most of all how embarrassing it is to hold a hairdryer over a wet floor for about half an hour and to have to have your mother share the story in hope someone lends her a dehumidifier…

What an eventful week! Well on the bright side i am honest about my mistakes  and can laugh at myself!





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